


And I'm Saying Goodbye

by iwritesinsandtragedies



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Death, Depression, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Sad, help i am cry, i am sad, i wrote this at three am while listening to say something, im sorry, two characters die, very sad, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 22:45:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3787129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwritesinsandtragedies/pseuds/iwritesinsandtragedies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dean loses what he wanted most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I'm Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This was a random thing I wrote at 3:30 in the morning while listening to sad ass music. 
> 
> Forgive me.
> 
> Takes place...well. Anywhere past the season ten mark.
> 
> Not really any spoilers if you're past S10E04.

This was it.

Cas's eyes are glued to the sky--or to the Heavens, maybe, Dean isn't sure, but he's not sure about a lot of things these days, so he doesn't dwell on it--and a hand is on Cas's chin, forcing his neck back, pushing and pushing. 

It cracks.

He sees the way Cas's neck is bent, and thinks how it shouldn't bend that way, human or angel or whatever the fuck Cas was now. 

He wants to scream out, wants to warm Castiel about the knife that is a mere few inches from his flesh, but the words don't come. Instead, a hand comes to his chest and shoves him to the ground, hard, and all the breath in his body leaves him. He's left to watch as the knife stabs through the angel's back, left to watch as his eyes glow brighter than the sun, and then fade away. There's a sharp cry of pain, and then Castiel is falling to the ground, and Dean closes his eyes, listening for the thud of Cas's head against the concrete.

It is a horrible noise.

It makes Dean's stomach jump to his throat. He cries out, eyes shut tightly. The hand that was holding him down is suddenly gone, and he opens his eyes to find that all the other demons are gone, too; that they finished their job, that Cas was the main target here. 

Dean curls up on the ground, breathing heavily. He can't move.

If he moves, it will be real, and Cas will be gone.

And he can't live without him.

He can't live without Cas, he realizes, thinking of all the late nights shared together in some shitty motel room; all the I love you's they will never get to say, now.

He thinks of the life they planned out. The kisses, the laughs, the love they had.

It was all fucking gone. 

All of it.

So this was it. 

Dean raises himself up, face wet with tears. He doesn't spare Cas a glance--doesn't dare--but instead, waits for Sam to come running.

He does.

XxxX

Its a messy affair, really, dealing with Castiel. 

Dean doesn't say a single word for the next several months, to anyone, and Sam is beginning to think that the universe is really fucking cruel and horrible for doing that to him.

He sighs, and runs a hand through his hair.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Castiel was supposed to be there.

He should be there. 

But he isn't. 

The glass bottle that was once held in his hand looks nice, Sam thinks, smashed against the wall like that.

He throws another. And then three more.

XxxX 

"No can do, sugar," the woman purrs. Her eyes are a deep, dark red; but she is a dangerous kind of beautiful, and Sam doesn't look at her the same way twice.

"Come on. There has to be something." 

"Look," she says, all hips, "I can't do anything for Dean. He lost his angel, boo fucking hoo. Hell isn't of service to you anymore. You lost the powers, Dean's no longer a demon, and you're both butt buddies with Hannah, who, I think you forget, runs Heaven. So no favors, no discounts. Maybe once. But not--unless...nevermind." 

"Unless?" Sam asks. He closes his eyes and steps forward.

"Unless you wanna let Luci out of his cage, no more deals with you. Nothing. I don't care if you just want an extra inch on that monster of yours, Sammy. No more. Don't come back unless you wanna let Big Daddy out." 

He ponders it.

XxxX

Dean is gone when Sam returns to the hotel, but Sam doesn't think anything about it; not even when he isn't back the next day.

And then one day turns into a week, a week into a month, a month into half a year.

Sam had stopped looking somewhere back in Texas. He saw no point to it, anymore. Dean obviously didn't want to be found.

Sam didn't just lose Castiel that night. He lost Dean, too, and deep down, he'd always known. 

He just didn't see the train coming until it hit him.

XxxX

Sam dies in a car accident exactly two years after Cas's death. Dean doesn't know this, not yet; and won't know until about three years from Sam's passing. 

Dean thinks he settled down, probably; has two and half kids and a nice wife that smiles like Jess did. He's probably forgotten about Dean, an old memory he simply ignores.

And then, he's walking through a cemetery in Vermont, and he finds it.

Right next to Cas.

XxxX 

"Well," Garth says. He looks uncomfortable and stressed but Dean pushes, anyway.

"I...I found Sam, that night," he starts. "We were meetin' up. But three hours had passed and he didn't come. Figured he broke down, but..." He pauses, swallowing. Dean sighs. 

"He was already gone by the time I arrived. I bought the plot next to Castiel, arranged a funeral, and then had him buried that next Friday. I tried to find you, I really did, but. You didn't...he said you didn't want to be found." 

"Was--" Dean stops.

He hasn't spoken, not since...not since Cas.

"Was he happy?" Dean asks, and then realizes that he forgot the sound of his own voice, and its odd. Like he's never spoken before.

"Truthfully?" Garth says, shaking his head. "No."

He was getting older, and Dean could see it--not that he was any spring chicken, but still. 

He didn't like it; this whole ageing thing.

Time went by too fast.

But Dean had lost Sam long before the accident. 

It still hurt like Hell.

XxxX 

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> JUST TO CLARIFY: Sam didn't get hit by a train his car.
> 
> That was metaphorical. I'm sorry for the confusion. Lol.


End file.
